The Trance

In many ways most attempts to help people change their lives have one aim. I think that psychotherapy, for example, really boils down to one thing. A variety of methods designed to help someone develop a more effective trance than the one their life experiences put them in. The next several posts will be about breaking these self-limiting bonds. If all you do is to learn to manage your trance better that’s quite an accomplishment. Your life will go much better. As for actually breaking the trance all together, that can be saved as a subject for later postings.

Over the next several posts, together, we will explore how the trance develops. We will also take a look at how each person, with help from our family, friends and society, maintains our trance and resists changing it. Even when the results of the trance are painful, it is my experience that people will fight to justify and keep their limitations.

After we have explored how the trance develops, we will explore more effective ways of managing the trance. We will see how it is possible to unlearn self-defeating patterns and create more joyful and successful lives. It is very important to learn better ways of managing our lives, so don’t rush through those pages. You will find information there that will allow you to improve your life circumstances. This applies even if you are already happy in your current status. I already began part of this process in the two earlier postings, ‘Passion the most Important Attitude’ and ‘Passion Part 2.’ If you have not yet read those, you can read them now and return to this page, or follow-up with them at another time. However, don’t neglect them, they have important information that will interest you and also prove valuable to you.

After we have reviewed how the trance develops, explored how we often fight so hard to maintain the trance, and have learned more effective ways to manage the trance, we will explore the possibility of breaking the trance altogether. The first series of postings (learning how our trance developed, and learning how to manage the trance) are grounded in my more than twenty years of formal schooling, and more than twenty five years of working as a therapist, as a teacher, a consultant to businesses, and as a professional speaker. In the later articles, we will consider how a perspective that includes an acknowledgement of humans as spiritual beings offers the possibility of creating more honest, joyful, healthy, energetic and fulfilling lives. Those ideas evolved over a twelve-year exploration in religious psychology in which the mysteries of the science of mind have been explored. These studies complement my work as a therapist very well. I developed a compelling interest in learning how life works at all levels. I wanted to understand the hidden as well as the obvious principles that operate in our life. As I have learned more I have included the new perspectives in my work with people and in my understanding of how life works. A hint: life works best when we are in harmony with universal principles.

The overall perspective evolved over the course of my adult life beginning in college, although of course, there were seminal moments earlier in my life. During my undergraduate days, I had a curiosity about hypnosis. I bought a book on self-hypnosis, and tried to learn how to do it. The results were mixed, and I was only able to create some minor, temporary phenomena. For example, at that time, Coca Cola was a favorite drink. As an experiment, I tried to find out if I could make it taste bad to me. Following the instructions in the book, I gave myself post-hypnotic suggestions. Once or twice, for a brief moment, the experiment seemed to work. However, the whole thing was taking up too much of my time and I stopped.

At about the same time, I was fortunate enough to take some classes that explored Gestalt Therapy, Transactional Analysis, and Group Therapy processes. Those classes combined actual experiences of the procedures, as well as formal, academic instruction. From those experiences, I learned first hand three important truths: 1) Most people have very little awareness of how they are experienced by others; 2) Most people have only a limited understanding of their deepest beliefs about themselves, other people and life; 3) At any time, it is possible for someone to experience real personal change.

Eight years later, during a difficult time, I took an actual class in self-hypnosis and began to make significant changes in my circumstances. With the benefit of my current knowledge, I can see that the instructor had some misconceptions about hypnosis and the class was very simple. Even so, the results were powerful.

Later, that same year, I participated in a multi-day seminar that was part of the Human Potential movement in the late 1970’s. I recognized that the variety of techniques used was a blending of different types of group processes, including Gestalt Therapy exercises and psychodrama. In addition, some of the exercises were similar to those I had learned in the earlier self-hypnosis class. For me, the results were beneficial. I experienced positive changes in my career, income and personal relationships. Some of my colleagues at work noticed a difference and commented favorably, although I did not reveal I had taken a seminar.

When I began graduate school, the next year, I was introduced to ideas that were developed by therapists who had studied with Milton Erickson, M.D., the famed psychiatrist who developed his own unique methods and approach to therapeutic uses of hypnosis. After completing the necessary years of schooling and internships, and successfully completing written and oral examinations, by the State of California, I was licensed as a Marriage and Family Therapist. Soon after, I acquired advance training in the clinical use of hypnosis.

While developing my private practice, I also began a career in vocational rehabilitation. My clients were people who had suffered industrial accidents. Some were so injured they could not participate in any attempts to return to work. The medical treatment available to them dealt mainly with acute injuries. There were very little services offered to help with chronic pain conditions. The system operated so that if someone was both too injured to return to work and too injured to participate in attempts to return to work their benefits were reduced or eliminated. Unless their doctor could develop a program to improve their condition, their disability payments shrunk to only $130. per week. This was an especially big problem for anyone with children to support. Many clients lost their homes and marriages.

This sparked my interest in researching ways to help these people who were falling through the cracks. I studied with some of the leading experts in chronic pain in the U.S. who were located in Southern California, and began teaching my clients how to use self-hypnotic techniques to both increase pain tolerance and to reduce the actual perception of pain. I combined this with family therapy. Sometimes the most dramatic improvements came as a result of changes in how the injured person viewed herself or himself, combined with changes in how their family viewed them. These are abbreviated explanations of what is actually a complex process, however, the point is that the changes were often dramatic and for the better. At the same time I was having these experiences, there was a growing interest in the medical world in what was being called the “Body Mind Connection.”

During the same period, to help one of my therapy clients, I found it necessary to become more acquainted with the literature on what was then called multiple personality disorder. I found it intriguing that the most effective treatments involved the use of hypnosis. Coincidently, one of my teachers in the management of chronic pain was also an authority on that disorder. I was invited to participate in a study group held at the University of California, Irvine, Medical Center, devoted to the study of MPD.


To my interest and amazement, I came across accounts of a patient who was allergic to something in one of his personalities but not in others. There was also a patient who was diabetic in one personality but not in others. These were startling physical changes that took place in seconds.

Out of these experiences I began to view all of us as operating in a trance of self-imposed limitations. I am not, of course, the first person to suggest this. Emerson, for example, described his contemporaries living ‘as if in a trance’ more than one hundred and fifty years ago.

I also want to acknowledge that the field of psychology is in a state of development similar to that of European mapmakers in the 1500’s and 1600’s. If you have seen those old maps, you know what I mean. Florida looks larger than the rest of North America, there are lots of unknown spaces, part of the outline of South America and Africa are recognizable, and the proportions are questionable. It was nothing compared to the global positioning satellites available for navigation today. The maps were, however, much better than having nothing at all. Despite the limitations, the European sailors were able to use those flawed maps to circumnavigate the globe. That’s kind of how we are today in understanding people. There are numerous theories about why people are the way we are. Some complement each other, and some are mutually exclusive. There are large areas in which we know little. Like the early maps of the world, they are much better than having nothing to go by. The idea is to learn to understand what works and with whom and when one map stops working, use a different one that helps you get to the next destination.

Psychological theories are opinions that can change as understanding increases. Opinions are created. Truths, on the other hand, cannot be created, they can only be perceived. I am not claiming to present the Truth with a capital ‘T’. While there may be some Truths contained in some of the ideas I present here, I know there are other ways to explain why we humans do what we do. Let’s agree that what people actually do are the facts, and our explanations for why we do them are fictions that help us understand. Here are some of the fictions that I have found most useful in my own life and in helping others.


In my next post we will begin our look at how the trance develops. As always, I invite your comments and any suggestions for future topics.

Passion Part 2

At the end of my last posting on May 16, Passion, the Most Important Attitude, I left off with a promise that we will discuss exercises that can help you harness your imagination, discover your life purpose and create more Love, Joy, Enthusiasm, Satisfaction and Success in your life. Well, here they are.

Although these exercises will benefit you even if you haven’t yet read the article on Passion, I suggest you go back and read it before you continue here. I think you will find that the exercises will then have even more value for you.

Here are two exercises that can help you harness your imagination. Your imagination can allow you to explore situations that may seem impossible until you have stepped inside them to feel what it feels like inside the scene.

You may want to record the instructions, or have a friend read them aloud. Either way, be certain that there is enough time allowed between each sentence for you to be able to respond internally to each step.

1. Take a moment to close your eyes. Take two or three deep breaths…… Imagine there are two boxes in front of you...... On the left, is a box containing all of your abilities, talents, knowledge, training, interests and passions…… On the right is a box containing all of your life……
Now ask yourself “how much of everything that is available in the left box is represented in the box on the right?” In which parts of your life are you selling yourself short?...... Now ask yourself the well-known question “If you knew that you were absolutely guaranteed you could not fail to succeed at whatever you decided to pursue next, no matter how big, what would it be?

2. This is helpful when you are trying to decide between different options. Again whether you are recording the instructions yourself or having someone read them aloud, it is important to allow enough time between each sentence for you to respond internally.

Get comfortable, and as you take two or three deep breaths, allow your eyes to close whenever it feels right…… Imagine what it would be like to be comfortably watching three separate video screens…… Each one is showing you successfully living one of your possible choices……Notice whether the action is accompanied by sound?......if you decide to be imagining yourself also holding a remote control, notice how it feels in your hand…… In each scene,
Notice how you are dressed…… Are you dressed up, or in casual clothes?...... Are you with other people, or by yourself?......
Where are you?...... Are you outside or inside?...... As you feel yourself in each scene, be aware of which one excites and satisfies you the most…… This can be a clue as to which path you really want to pursue next.


Stephen Covey, the author of Seven Secrets of Highly Effective People, advocates that we should always begin with the end in mind. By clearly choosing the outcome we are seeking, we can work backwards to identify the steps required to get us there. Another advantage of starting with the end in mind is that it excites our passion, which creates energy, the enthusiasm that will sweep you along to success.

In his audiocassette tape Getting Rich While you’re Young Enough to Enjoy It, author and speaker Jerry Gillies quotes an interesting study. He attributes the study as coming from the book Getting Rich Your Own Way. According to Mr. Gillies, the author studied more than 1,500 middle class people over a twenty-year period. Over that time, 83 of those people became millionaires. What intrigued the author was that each of the 83 people had three things in common:

1. Not one of them became rich by investing. They didn’t invest in
stocks or real estate or any of the other standard ways of investing.
2. Not one of the people who had a plan became rich.
3. All of the 83 who became millionaires did the thing they enjoyed the most. Each of them found their work absorbing, involving and enthralling. For them work and play became one.

This caused the author to speculate that while it may be important to have a plan when you are building a bridge or constructing a house, there are more important factors to consider when becoming successful at life, in this case, getting rich. In fact, the author and Mr. Gillies believed that a plan might actually get in your way if you aren’t following your passions, the things you love most.

Finding Your Life Purpose

Sometimes we can discover our passions in life through unexpected events. In fact, that’s exactly how I discovered my passion for helping people that became my life’s work. Here is what happened.

When I was in my mid twenties, I met a man who asked me what I liked to do most. He was several years older, and had recently made a career change to become a lawyer. As we talked, I tried to answer his question and discovered my answer began to change. My first response was that I really liked to travel. In fact, we met through a mutual friend while I was enjoying a visit to Seattle. So, it was true that I like to travel, and I thought it sounded less lame than telling him about my preoccupation at that time and what I enjoyed most, which was meeting women. Remember, I was 24 years old and single. He shared that what he enjoyed most was meeting new people, talking with them and really getting to know them. Exactly what we were doing then.

At that moment I became conscious of how much I enjoyed meeting people and getting to know them, at a deep level. I remembered how much I like to share information and ideas. Those interests had led me to the first job I ever really liked. That was as a volunteer counselor at a free clinic when I was an undergraduate in college. Imagine, the first job that I ever liked was doing something I enjoyed so much I did it for free.

Few things in life give me as much pleasure as I get when I help people discover how to get unstuck and create more exciting lives full of Joy, Love, and Fun. It is this passion that led me to put forth all of the effort and expense to complete the many years of training and internship to become a psychotherapist. Afterwards, I discovered I could help people whose lives were shattered by industrial accidents, and I worked as a Vocational rehabilitation Counselor. Those experiences, in turn, sparked my interest in helping people suffering from chronic pain conditions and to start my own business combining those interests.

What Deciding On Your Life Purpose Can Do For You

When you take the time to discover your Life Purpose, you will discover it gives you a higher and larger vision. You will have a tool that will allow you to put your own passion into all of your daily activities, even those that others might see as mundane.

There is a well-known story that illustrates this. If you have heard this story before you can skip to the next paragraph. The story concerns an architect who went out to inspect the progress on the construction of a cathedral he had designed. He saw three bricklayers and asked, “What are you doing?” The first man replied, “I’m laying bricks.” The second man replied, “I’m building a wall.” The third man replied, “I’m helping to build a great cathedral.” Clearly, each person was having a completely different experience even though they were involved in the same tasks. Which person do you think put more into his work? Which one do you think got more satisfaction out of his work?

This tool will also make it easier to choose the next step for you. When I am confronted by choices, I ask myself questions. Two of the questions are “Is this congruent with my Life Purpose or not?” and “How can I use this experience to further my Life Purpose?” In my own case, I defined my Life Purpose as ‘Healing and empowering as many people as possible’
When I defined my purpose that way, I realized that by including the words ‘as possible,’ that meant I had to find ways to share the things I have learned and the skills I have acquired with more people than were ever likely to visit my office. That led to developing public speaking skills and creating seminars, workshops, audio-learning programs, and now this blog.

Those activities led me to discover two more passions, public speaking and teaching. The seminars led me to be hired to present at conferences. Those exposures resulted in requests to go into companies and government agencies to help resolve the people problems that were affecting the organization. These were opportunities to share my knowledge and skills with people who never would have considered going to see a therapist.

As a result of those choices, my own life became more exciting, rewarding and interesting. As a result of that conversation in which I was asked what I like to do the most, I began to consciously get in touch with my passion to work with people. Now I have become one of those people whose work is doing what I enjoy the most. Choosing to work at that which inspires, enthuses and delights me transformed my life. I encourage you to take enough time to decide your Life Purpose. You can start by taking only a few minutes.

By the way, over the years, I have updated and modified my Life Purpose and you can to. Deciding on my Life Purpose didn’t clear up all of the challenges (another word for problems) in my life. As I learned from my experiences, stumbled and sometimes got hurt as a result of my mistakes and acquired more knowledge and expanded my consciousness I naturally expanded my Life Purpose.

My interests in psychology and in metaphysics resulted in years of study in religious psychology in which the mysteries of the science of mind have been explored. These studies complement my work as a therapist very well. I developed a compelling interest in learning how life works at all levels. I wanted to understand the hidden as well as the obvious principles that operate in our life. As I have learned more I have included the new perspectives in my work with people and in my understanding of how life works. A hint: life works best when we are in harmony with universal principles. We will explore those in future postings.

For now, I want to point out that almost everything I value most was once just a dream. Sometimes just a vague or distant longing. However, everything in life starts with an idea. I think you would agree that before the computer you are using ever existed in its present physical form, it existed as an idea in someone’s mind. You would also agree that the same is true of the car you drive. Before it existed in its present physical form it existed first in someone’s mind. So perhaps you might also agree that before the present circumstances of your life existed in their current form, they also existed as ideas, both conscious and unconscious in your mind.

As I mentioned above, almost everything in my life that I value most was once just a dream. The dreams that came true, my close relationships with my wife and daughter and my 4-year-old granddaughter, becoming a family therapist, becoming a professional speaker, creating audio-learning programs, teaching college students and my closest friendships all came about because I chose to follow my passions. Other dreams I had which, up until now, have not come true were abandoned because I did not link them to a passionate desire which could inspire the courage and interest and energy to commit to them completely.

Going For Your Dreams

It has been said that regret comes from not living the life you really wanted. If you could look into the future twenty or thirty years from today, what are the things you might be telling your children or grandchildren that you always wanted to do but didn’t? Why didn’t you do those things? How did you stop yourself? What were your fears? Was it worth giving into those fears and robbing yourself of al of that fun and excitement and satisfaction? What would you give to have a chance to go for your dreams, to experience the thrill of going with your passions and to constantly feel Enthusiasm and Joy in your daily life? What would you give to go back and choose a life consisting of ever increasing Love, Joy, Satisfaction and Success?

Right now you have that chance! Realize that the only moment is now. So what is it going to be? Impassive and apathetic, or Fervid and Exciting and filled with Passion? Luckily, you get to choose.


In future postings we will explore ideas of how we can uncover our hidden, unconscious beliefs about life and ourselves, how we can uncover and release limiting and self-sabotaging beliefs and create ideas that support our dreams, not our fears. As always, I welcome your comments, questions and suggestions for future topics. Stay tuned and be sure to check back on a regular basis.

Passion

The Most Important Attitude

What is passion? When many people hear the word passion, they associate it with sex. In this case, we are referring to its larger meaning. Passion is what life is all about. According to Devlin’s Dictionary of Synonyms and Antonyms, a person with passion is fervid, ardent, intense, burning, excited! The same source defines the opposite of passion as: impassive, phlegmatic, and apathetic. As you compare the two, ask yourself, “How do I want to be? Fervid, intense, burning, and excited, or impassive, phlegmatic, and apathetic?”

Take a moment right now to think of someone who is extraordinarily successful at something. This can be a celebrity, or someone you know personally. Where their success lies doesn’t matter. They can be a highly successful entertainer, athlete, parent, spouse, teacher, businessperson, doctor, or whatever you choose. Whoever that person is you can be certain that she/he is passionate about whatever it is in which they are so successful.

Without passion, life is gray and dull. With passion, challenges are overcome and extraordinary experiences are yours. Almost everyone has heard the saying that the main difference between successful people and unsuccessful people is that successful people are willing to do, routinely, the things that unsuccessful people don’t want to do. Sometimes that quality is called persistence. One of the main ingredients in persistence is passion.

It has been said that passion has magical qualities. It transforms otherwise boring and difficult tasks into enjoyable activities. It is what fuels the energy required for the sustained efforts that lead to success in everything. Every time we get an idea that sufficiently inspires and excites us, we are provided with sufficient energy to get started on the idea and to carry it out to fruition. We experience that energy as the feeling of enthusiasm. If we don’t harness and use that energy, it goes right by us like a passing breeze. Everyone knows that when a wind is captured by sails, it can pull a ship wherever the captain wants it to go. However, the same wind will simply pass over a ship whose sails are down and move along to one that is ready to move.

I had two friends who demonstrated the magical qualities of passion just mentioned. Both were dedicated Marathon runners, one a school principal, the other a physician. They were very passionate about running, and managed to work it into their busy schedules without fail. For each of them, a five or six mile run was a light to moderate workout. I often encountered them in the middle of twelve mile training runs, when doing my own much shorter routine. Both completed many Marathons, including the famous Boston Marathon, which is restricted to only those who can qualify. Their passion for running provided the fuel that powered them through all of the hours and hours of training. It also powered them through the actual marathons.

Both of those friends have other passions that have fueled their other success. My friend, the dermatologist, for example, told me that his interest in medicine came from events witnessed as a young person growing up in Egypt. He saw the suffering experienced by people with unsightly, and sometimes hideous looking skin disorders. Out of his combination of compassion and intellectual curiosity, grew his passion to study medicine to learn how to help. Imagine the difficulties facing an eighteen-year-old immigrant who came to the United States with only a suitcase, a dream, a limited knowledge of English and a total of $300. He said he had to support himself and find a way to pay for college and then for medical school. What else other than passion could fuel the energy and persistence needed to make that dream a reality?

My other friend is passionate about the education of children. That passion propelled him to put forth the effort to become a teacher. He then became one of the most respected school principals in his district. In addition, he taught college level classes for other teachers. He now holds a position in administration for a school district in Southern California.


What Are Your Passions?


Identifying your passions will help you clarify your life purpose and create a fulfilling and satisfying life. The more successful you are at creating a satisfying life, the more successful you will be at successfully dealing with the constant changes we all experience in life. It is also helpful to remember that even when your life is going well, the only way it can get even better is through change.

Take a moment and ask yourself these questions:

“How much of my time is spent involved in things that spark my passion?”

“How much of my precious life is spent just putting in time, trudging through tasks that rob me of excitement and diminish my energy and sense of joy?”


Using Imagination


Your imagination can help you find your passion. If properly used, your imagination can create the spark, nurture it and help it burst into flame. Your imagination is also a way in which you can discard the limits and constraints you have imposed upon yourself.

Your self-imposed limitations may have no relationship to your actual physical circumstances but they can bind you securely. Self-imposed restrictions can cause you to overlook real opportunities. For example, when the people of Europe believed the world was flat, most were careful not to venture very far from shore. Although there were a few who defied conventional belief, some Vikings for example, evidently sailed to North America, (possibly while highly intoxicated or desperate to find new people to plunder, or both) the overwhelming behavior of the time was to live as if the world was flat.

At the same time, the Pacific Islanders, who didn’t get the memo about the flat earth, were busy sailing their outrigger canoes all over the Pacific Island and populating islands as far apart as New Zealand to Hawaii, After Columbus demonstrated convincingly that there was no edge to fall over, Europeans sailed all over the world.

Obviously the earth didn’t get any rounder after 1492. Prior to 1492, however, behavior and opportunity was just as restricted as if the earth actually had been flat. The limiting belief, although inaccurate, over rode the physical reality.

Perhaps you know someone who denies themselves a more fulfilling life simply because of their limited ideas and beliefs about who they are. As a result of their beliefs, they limit the amount of Love, ,Joy, Enthusiasm, Satisfaction and Success in their life.

Visit this site often.In my other postings we will discuss exercises that can help you harness your imagination, discover you life purpose and create more Love, Joy, Enthusiasm, Satisfaction and Success in your life.